1 am thoughts.

I cannot fathom how easily someone can delete them from their life. Just a click of a button, and goodbye. All those months of happiness, of arguments over absolutely nothing, of laughing till we cried, and crying on things that were pretty pointless. How one could just easily forget all the skype conversations, all whatsapp memories, all the facebook comments. I fail to understand that. How could one forget ditching everyone else and feeling like you two knew each other better than anyone else. How on earth could one forget the feelings of warmth whenever they talked to each other.  How could one forget  the fact  that no matter what anyone said or did, they promised that they would always be together. How could one forget all the flattering paragraphs that gave you chills. How could one say goodbye so easily? I can't do that. I don't have strength to forget everything. And even though it hasn't ever happened with me before, I don't want it too. And if it ever did, I know one thing for sure. I will never ever forgive that someone for breaking my trust and heart together, just over some issue that doesn't  even matter. And I sure as hell don't deserve anyone who after months of  happiness, breaks my heart by asking me to forget them. I would cry, yes. But I would get over it. Because such people don't deserve my tears at all. And I hope that no matter how much we fight, the people I love never bother to leave me, because life won't be the same without them, and I don't want to live a life without them. Simple as that.

Dear boys.

Dear boys,

Styling your hair in the worst way possible, that is, making spikes, is a stupid idea. No sane girl would find it attractive in the slightest. So, if you're making such efforts to attract the dumb girls, by all means, go ahead. But you look horrible and hideous and no one is jealous of your so-called awesome hair. The thing is, styling hair is for girls only. Boys just look ridiculous while doing it, so don't bother. If anyone compliments your hair, they're lying. It does not look gorgeous, at all. They want you to continue making that hairstyle so people can make fun of you. And believe me, they do. That's all I wanted to say.

Yours,

Marwa who thinks that such boys are idiots. And weirdos.

To think, I believed you when you said I was important, that I was someone who meant a lot to you. But I was betrayed again. I'm just someone to talk to when you're bored; always the second choice.

I made a mistake in telling her my secret. It wasn't something new for me. Friends have betrayed me quite a lot of times and I had learnt that nobody was worth trusting in this cruel, shallow world. But then, she came alone, filling my life with the light that had been extinguished and had caused darkness everywhere, and it felt as if everything would be okay.
Walking towards my bed, I realized some friendships were just too good to be true. I'm not angry neither am I upset over my secret being revealed to the whole school, I'm merely upset because like everyone else, she had betrayed me in the worst way possible. I wonder if I had done anything wrong, anything so out of proportion, that it led to this. Reminiscing the past, I remember nothing but kindness and gratitude for her,because she had helped me survive when no one else had been my support.
2 years ago, she had transferred from the New York city to here, a mere town of Wolverhampton, London. She had been my neighbor and went to the same school as I did. I had no idea I was that bad at the judging of character. Since she was a frequent visitor, we spent loads of time together, doing everything possible together. You name it and I bet you we've done that 3 times already.
That day was a depressing day. I had been bullied mercilessly, just like any other ordinary day. But this time, I had not been smiling about it. I had cried as soon as I got home, but forgot to lock the doors. I had been about to cut my wrists with the blade when I noticed footsteps, and before I could do anything, she entered the room, wide eyed. She sat down with me and I was forced to tell her everything because I trusted her way too much. She had understood and promised to support me and keep it a secret between us two. I had done a mistake, quite a big one, indeed.
It had just been a month after that incident and everything felt fine. But the day I came to school, after my trip to Glasgow, I had felt like crying. Someone cornered me and asked me if my secret was true and that was when I had gone bonkers. I ran as fast as I could towards her and demanded an explanation, but all she did was grin evil-like, and here I'm, slight baffled and filled with rage.
I guess all good things must always come to an end. But I had learned a very important lesson. This world does not deserve my kindness because it is cruel and shallow, and that's how it will be forever.
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Hi. This is just a little something I wrote in my English exam. I kind of liked it, so I decided to post it here. Not much, but hey, I got the highest, and that's why I don't care. 

Bye.

Exams.

So. Mock examinations are officially over, and I can finally take a deep breath of relief. However, it's not always that easy. Mocks have ended, but CIEs are about to come soon, and that's what pretty much terrifies me the most. It's like..everyone expects so much from you. Everyone expects a good result from you and if it's not up to the mark, you feel like you've disappointed everybody. You've disappointed yourself, your family, your teachers, and your friends. So you continue to work hard, day and night, with the hopes to make them proud of you, proud of your result. And these days I'm terrified about what will happen in the future. What will happen once I get my result? What if it's too bad? What if I fail Physics next year? Questions. Questions. But I try not to think about it too much, and not come under the pressure. It's not easy. It's never easy.

Besides my exams, nothing new has happened. Same old boring life. Recently, I've been caught up with studies a bit too much, so I never get time to do anything else. I miss my freedom, so much. CIE's have ruined that for me. I'm also sad because I ditched my best friend today at 6 am because I was sleepy and I couldn't wake up and we had planned to talk and I just ditched her, like that. But she said she doesn't really mind. I really wanted to talk to her though, she cheers me up like no one else does. So I'm going to talk to her tomorrow, and I hope it goes according to the plan. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I also have to start studying from tomorrow, and that sucks very very much. Sometimes I feel like crying and screaming and killing someone because of the workload, but I can't. And I hate that. So yeah, whatever.

Thanks for making me feel unimportant. Like I don't matter. Like I'll never matter. It's funny how overtime, everything changes and you start treating me like crap. I'm so used to feeling rejected now, it doesn't even hurt as much as it should. The best part is, you don't know how you're treating me right now and you continue to do it because I can't say it to your face. So it'll go on like this forever. I'm sure.

I don't know.

Why on earth do we expect so much from people? Why do we try our best to make sure that said person feels special and loved and expect the same treatment from them? Why do we always expect everything to go right the way we want it too? Why do we care so much? I wish I didn't. I wish I never did. I don't know what I was thinking when I expected them to love me, and make me feel important. You can't expect such things from anyone in this world. Because no one truly ever cares.

Past friendships can never be replaced, no matter how hard you try. It's just the way it is, I guess.

Padfoot to my Prongs.

It was barely 3 weeks into the new year and I started feeling sad, and miserable because of a lot of things. And I don't know why I even thought about them, because I know they didn't matter. They'll never matter. They're things that you should ignore, and just never ever pay heed to them. But I can't do that. I wish I could, but I can't. And so I started going to school with my bad mood, not talking or doing anything but getting sadder by every minute. That's what school does to you. And when I felt hopeless, I knew there was one person who might not judge me. Who might even understand what I'm trying to say. So I messaged her, everything. At the end, I also mentioned that she could ignore this if she liked. And when I woke up the next morning, and eagerly checked to see if she had replied or not and knowing that she hadn't; it made me a bit sad. I kind of thought she ignored it. But I knew she wouldn't. After all she never did that, and I don't think she ever will. But then I go to school, and the atmosphere makes me sad. I hated that day. But I liked being left alone, not bothered by anyone, because I knew no one would care, or try to understand. Waking up the next day, I saw her message. Not one, but eight of them. And I instantly smiled, knowing she would never ignore me. I check her messages and I realise, I can't afford to lose her. She knows exactly what to say to me whenever I'm sad and I just know she'll always be there for me, even though we're about a 1000 miles apart. But that doesn't matter, it never will. As long as we're here for each other, I don't care what others say or think. No friend will ever replace her. She makes me happy, and I know that no matter what happens, we'll always be there to cheer each other up; for she's the Padfoot to my Prongs.